A year ago today
my baby wrote....
"I came to see if there was something wrong with me" [by here he meant the Police Station]
They asked what was wrong and I told them I was being followed.
There was no one following me.
Headache, dizzy, sweating. I didn't take any medicine on Monday.
No. I felt in on sat-son
I want to tell everyone I am sorry for never telling them what was going on in my life.
I made alot of mistakes. No. I feel like I have wasted everyone's time [because...[ of all my life.
I love my mom, but I have never given her all of my love.
I am in jail because of my lies. This isn't a hospital.
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As far as I know, he had walked himself to the nearest Police Station Downtown Manhattan...and given that Bellevue Hospital was closer to the station, he was rushed there.
sitting in a cell like room inside Bellevue which was mostly "mauvais vue" than beautiful.
"Snap out of it." I said as I rubbed his precious head with holy water. "You can do this, I love you."-I continued.
"Where am I? He said without an expression less face.
"All these people don't know I am a liar." He continued.
"Why are your cheeks so plumped, "mami?" He said as he placed both his hands on my fat cheeks. I felt they had blown up as he said this.
"Son, snap out of this." I repeated in anguish then recited an Ave Maria followed by my Saint Francis prayer:
The Prayer of Saint Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.
I was faced yet again with a terrible episode and had no one to turn to. As usual alone to deal with things greater than my strength. No, not my beloved son.Not him. He's all I've got.
Reading very few details on an email sent by his elusive new girlfriend. Oh by the way, your son is hospitalized. Not an urgent phone call, a cold email which I happened to have read the day after while at work. I do not remember, if I had phone service. I had decided not to have phone service because I felt it was useless. Nobody was calling me not even my beloved son. Why pay for service? I can leave without a cell.
Then, this happened. I remember rushing to the hospital from the university I was working. It was exasperating to state the least, not knowing anything. Not getting any information by phone. I simply decided to rush to the hospital which was not far from where I was. At least, it did not appear far as I took to the streets.
Upon arriving to the hospital and checking with the front desk, I was told that I could not see my son. There was an incident going on and visits had been canceled. Nobody gave me any information about his condition.
"Why is he here?" I demanded to know
Nobody said anything.
Desperately, the only person I remember calling was his father. I think this was done when I arrived home. Of course, I had a landline.
Can't remember what the conversation entailed. I was desperate. The next day, I returned to the hospital and his father was there with one of his daughters. Had not seen this man for over 15 years nor had met the daughter. The nurses were talking to him and not me. And I began to get annoyed due to this that I exclaimed "I am the mother, tell me what is going on with him?"
Got no response.
His father, given that he had arrived hours before me, had taken control of the entire situation. When I finally got to see my baby, he was unrecognizable. There were crazy people in pajamas walking back and forth with a dazed look in their faces. An Asian guy with an unshaven beard, a Black guy who took my baby's tray as he had refused to eat.
He practically snatched it from him.
"This is not a hospital is a mental ward, why is my baby there?" I desperately demanded. No answer.
The dad viciously arranged for all his 5 siblings to take turn to see him including his wife. Thusly, never allowing me to be alone with my baby.
Nobody ever gave me a briefing of his condition. Even if I kept on telling them desperately I was the mother!
A week passed....I did not have my baby and his birthday was going to be soon. There was no way my baby would spend his birthday in that prison like place.
I clinched to God.....asked him to save my baby.
I clinched to Jesus....asked him to save my baby
I clinched to Mary....asked her to save my baby
I clinched to St. Francis....asked him to save my baby
I clinched to St. Martin de Porres...asked him to save my baby
I clinched to my faith....to give me strength as I could not bare the pain.
The week passed.....he suffered a bad episode....this time it was due to his dad who had been so overbearing.....but once again I clinched to my protectors, my faith....and my baby began to show signs of improvement. I ended up having to be strong for his dad and his siblings as they were most distraught. Even during this most difficult for me, his mother.
Yes, he was cleared to leave the hospital.
He left on his own and as he walked the streets a Buddhist approached him and placed a special bracelet on his wrist.
I have clinched to Quan Yin, the Chinese goddess of mercy and passion. I learned about her in China. And what a coincidence, this would happen to my son as he exited this mad house.
Today made a year my baby lost it....
Today he is better
Today our love is stronger
Today he is back with his love
Today I am writing about this while thanking my protectors.
Today I am grateful the pain was just has painful as the 23 hours it took me to give birth to him.
Today I am grateful for having saved him when he was stricken with Meningitis at the tender of 6
Today I am grateful for the doctor that save him on that ill fated day. And who gave the order, after he spent a month hospitalized to go home and celebrate Halloween.
Today I am grateful for I prevented him to see his beloved grandmother's
lifeless body inside a wooden box when he was just 7 years old.
Today I am grateful we love one another deeply
Today I am grateful to his girlfriend who loves him
Today I am grateful this month of May, my baby will turn 33
yes, I am grateful
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